fortune telling in sedona

Sedona, as previously mentioned, is located in an energy spiral in Arizona. A vortex, if you will. Because of this power warp, fortune tellers, crystal healers, and aura interpreters congregate here.

My friend and I got the wild notion to get our auras read, but wanted to be smart about it.

We didn't want some tea leaf reader taking advantage of us. So we set a budget. The budget for this endeavor was $20. Imagine our dismay, when we found out the going rate for this service is $30. We had no choice but to make up a weak excuse about how we might be back later. I didn't want to tell the metaphysical lady that I didn't think that a special photograph of me in wacky colors and the 28 page legend of what it all meant was worth it.

But when you tell the Universe, you want some fortune telling action, it provides in other ways, that are within budget.

Walking down the street, we met Zoltar who is a clairvoyant man in a turban, that happened to live in a glass box, be powered by quarters, and presumably has no legs. He does have a crystal ball though. If I remember correctly, his eyes light up red as he provides some general platitudes about life.

If you were ever concerned about your job being taken over by robots, here is the proof it is happening.

I thought Zoltar was really great, until my little fortune ticket printed out. And that's when I realized he didn't know me, or my stars, or my aura at all. He told me that I had many good friends, and that they all hail from the Armed Services. At this time, I have no friends that are in the Navy, Army, ROTC, nada.


zoltar.jpg

Was Zoltar reading someone's fortune that was standing behind me? Or was he being an asshole and trying to tell me I don't have many friends in an underhanded way?

We then proceed to go to the Joke Shop where there were lots of whoopee cushions and magnets. In the back, there was a little hint of redemption. There were two more fortune telling arcade machines! 

These machines were much more sterile, definitely did not have the charisma of Zoltar. I chose the machine that has a silver hand, that you match your hand to, digit to digit. On each finger tip, there was a red light that beeped and alternately lit up. This looked solid. After the palm analyzing, my fortune was displayed across a yellow digital screen in all CAPS.

CAREER - MILITARY

MONEY - RETIRE

Again, I was provided with falsehoods about my future! I am not what the military is looking for and while retirement sounds nice, this is not a good financial decision. I have some good working years ahead of me. I would like to think. 

Maybe paying a human to predict the future is worth it. But if I'm going to retire, I really need to mind my budget.